If Marketing Strategies Were Classic Horror Monsters
There are a lot of different marketing strategies out there these days. It can be pretty scary trying to keep up. So here is a quick reference guide for a few of today’s top marketing strategies and their classic horror monster counterparts.
Retargeting = Ghosts
You thought that you had gotten past it. It was a bad experience on that website, but you put it behind you and you moved on. Or so you thought. Now you’re catching glimpses of it out of the corner of your eye every time you scroll. When you visit your favorite website, there it is! There’s no escaping it until you face your fears and confront it head on. Or, you know, delete your cookies.
Social Media = Frankenstein’s Monster
It started out so simple. Just a little Facebook to help grow your audience. Then you made a brand account on Twitter. Oh wait, what’s this? Sure, let’s add Instagram and Pinterest to the list. What? What the hell is a Snapchat? Oh god. Fine, add that too. What used to be a pure and personal way to communicate with your audience has turned into a mangled, beastly version of what it once was. But you can’t stop now. No… IT’S ALIVE!!!
Email Marketing = Zombies
You’re on a website and you like what you see. Sure, what’s the harm in signing up for that email newsletter? It says it’s only once or twice a week. And it’s not like it’s all that difficult to delete an email. Little did you know that you were single-handedly kicking off the zombie apocalypse of email newsletters. What started as one or two a week quickly became hoards and hoards every day. And they just keep coming! Unsubscribe or be converted. Braaaains. 20% Off Braaaains!
Search Engine Optimization = Mad Scientist
No one really knows what this one is doing back there, in her dark cubicle. Every now and then she asks you to add a few keywords here, create a bit of new content there. And I think she said something about meta tags? Every now and then we hear a fearful shriek followed by mumbled cries about a new Google algorithm. We find it best to just leave her alone. For who knows what dark concoction she is creating back there in her SEO lab? Muahaha!
Public Relations = Godzilla
When you were growing up, you used to hear all about how cool this was. I mean, PR was the king of product launches and brand activations. But as the years went on and other technologies improved, it never really did. These days, you see this dinosaur come out every now and again, building a little excitement and drama, and ultimately not having quite the impact that you thought (or hoped) it would. But you’re totally rooting for it!
Native Advertising = Dracula
It’s charming, eloquent, and perhaps, in initial appearances, even better than those others around it. Maybe, just maybe, you will read your full-page article all the way to the end. Although, it’s getting a bit late. Maybe you should be off to bed. Wait. What’s… what’s that? No. No! It’s an… ad?! But it’s already too late. You’ve been sucked dry (in that you’ve been convinced to buy that expensive product).
Mobile Advertising = Freddy Krueger
Ah, yes. It’s been a long day, but you’ve brushed your teeth, put on your footie pajamas, and crawled into that comfy bed of yours. You are officially ready for a wonderful night’s sleep. Just as you close your eyes, though, you get a slight feeling of discomfort. You feel like there is something right next to that is calling to you, calling your name, beckoning you out of your slumber. You reach for your phone. I’ll just open Facebook for a few minutes, you think. Suddenly, it’s 2am and you’ve clicked your way down a path of mobile ads that would make Alice long for Wonderland. It got you in (what was supposed to be) your sleep. And now you’re dead (tired).
Content Marketing = King Kong
Every now and then, this pops up as a new concept, yet it’s actually a lot older than most people think. And when it’s good, it’s really good. But when it’s bad, well, you get the picture. The problem is that no matter how much you improve the graphics, the animations, the effects, or the writing, the product or story is ultimately the same as it ever was, which is a total let down with all that build up.
Pop Up Ads = Beetlejuice
Annoying as f***.